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if my life is going to be like this forever - if it’s just going to be me eating and hating myself and being unable to stop self-sabotage or to even love and me panicking over homework and me feeling horrible about my body then i don’t want to live okay, kindly take me away from this stupid world painlessly.
My mistakes have left me continually looking back in horror and awaiting God’s punishment. His wrath will kill me and I am so terrified I do not know if the spate of awful things happening to me are because I believe they will or because he simply hates me.
Why did the ones I love pay for my sins, what did they do to have me bring this pain on them; why? I don’t understand why they are suffering for me when they did nothing wrong. Tell me why; give me a sign.
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